Time and Time Again

When I was in high school, I had a very quirky, yet effective teacher, who used to screech “CLOCKWATCHER!!” at the top of his lungs whenever he caught a student checking the time. (He was also often seen walking down busy streets of Toronto flapping his arms like a bird, but I digress…)

I think of him every time I find myself watching the clock and even more so lately as I’ve been both grappling and evolving my time management skills. (Not to mention, managing my obsession with time.)

I’ve always been a very punctual person and get anxious (a.k.a. bitchy) when others are late, and double that when I’m running late! I’ve been known to warn staff that, “if you show up on time, you’re late.” (OK, so maybe I need to chill the f*ck out, but the point was made.)

As a “clockwatcher,” the early days of quarantine became even more stressful (and not only for the obvious reasons). Without the concrete goal posts like school drop-offs and pick-ups, avoiding rush hour, racing against parking meters and bedtime (for the kid, and me), it was hard to plan my days. I was incessantly watching the clock, worrying “it’s already 11am,” “it’s only 4pm,” “I don’t have enough time to work out, to eat, to sleep, to cry…” You get the point.

But as we round the corner of month three of this new normal, I can proudly say that I’m getting accustomed to determining my own timelines, and thinking less about the hour, and more about what I’m doing. 

I’m less concerned about whether I ate at 9am, or exercised at 4pm, or replied to all my emails by lunch. Now I decide what matters to me most that day and I commit to getting it done, regardless of when. So now instead of biting my son’s head off when he talks to me during my morning inbox cleanup, I shut the computer and do something really incredible...I LISTEN. And guess what? The emails get answered, usually by the day’s end, and sometimes not. And I’m learning to get over it.

As much as I’d rather be with my teammates at the office (not to mention going out for lunch, and dinner, and cocktails…), I really am appreciating the extra time. I’m using the time I would have spent commuting to hit my 10,000 steps, I’m reading when I would have been watching TV, and I’m watching TV when I would have been sleeping! 

So while I’ll always be a bit of a clockwatcher (old habits die hard), you could say that times have changed and so have I. Now I’m less focused on the hour and more focused on the moment.