We’re Breaking Up!
With many of us coming out of our shells to resume life (as normally as we can), some are getting the itch for a full metamorphosis. As someone who has had my fair share of breakups, from business partnerships, to marital ones, and some others in between, I seem to have become a confessional for those looking to make a break.
While the COVID divorce has become somewhat of a cliché (I can barely stomach being locked down with those I really love, so I get it), it makes sense that people would use it as a turning point (or damn good excuse) to re-evaluate and reset. As I’ve told many people, there’s never a good time, but there’s definitely a worse time (beware the second wave!).
Since I’ve been spewing my two cents quite frequently lately (much cheaper than a therapist!) I thought I’d share it here. As my moniker suggests, I’m not a professional...anything, just simply your average been-there-done-that gal imparting what I’ve learned.
The most common question I get is: “how do you know for sure?” Well, you don’t. That’s the thing with life. There’s no manual. We take all the sources of information, the feeling in our gut, our personal tolerance (and possibly our horoscope...no judgment), and decide when it’s our time. When it comes to personal relationships, that line is a bit greyer (you know, emotions and all). But for someone who’s walked through the fires of a business failure, I would say the best thing you can do is set the emotions aside. Ask yourself, do the numbers add up? Is this business truly viable? (Be honest.) Do I even want to be doing it?
That discussion inevitably leads to the next hurdle: fear. What can I tell you? It absolutely sucks to look another person in the eye and tell them you’re just not that into them, that the future they dreamed of is not going to happen, that you’re out of money, you’re gay, or whatever else is involved in your moment of truth.
But trust me when I tell you that living with that weight is a much heavier burden, and once you pull the chute, YOU WILL LAND. And almost always, you’re hurting someone more by hiding/avoiding/lying/cheating your way around the truth.
And here’s another obvious, but oft-forgotten insight: Nothing is permanent, except death. (Please don’t email me with your religious opinions.) There’s a reason for separation before divorce. Businesses pivot and reinvent, and heck, even TV shows we thought were long gone come back. (Oh, Curb Your Enthusiasm, you make me so happy.) Sometimes you need to hit the road in order to find your way home. And other times you need to put one foot in front of the other and move forward.
When I took my original leap from the corporate world to entrepreneurship, I was often asked how I had the courage to leave a stable (and frankly, quite fulfilling) career, to live off mac and cheese and sleepless nights, in order to build a business. It was actually quite simple. I knew I had built a great reputation in my industry and that if everything went to sh*t, I would find another job and pay off my business investment (a.k.a. debt) within a year. If that was the price to pay for an incredible life experience, then sign me up! And sign up, I did. (The rest is history.)
With affairs of the heart, it can sometimes feel like a zero sum game (your liberation is another’s devastation), but in the long run, you’re giving them the same gift you are giving yourself. A chance to live their fullest life, to give and receive the love and respect (and often, sex) they deserve.
Which gets to the final insight that I have on repeat: just because it ends doesn’t mean you failed. Relationships, businesses, friendships (and even, shoes) run their course. It can be a good run and also be time to come to an end. As the infinitely wise Dr. Suess says, “don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”
And as the ever so simple (and sarcastic) Average Jo says, “shut that sh*t down.” (You’re welcome.)