Let’s Agree To Disagree
We can all count on our friends to give it to us straight when we need it, right? Or can we? Or more importantly, should we?
Of course, when we’re feeling down (which can be at any moment these days), it’s our nearest and dearest who know just what to say to get us back up again. (Like, “That COVID weight gives you such great curves.” Insert eye roll here.)
While affirmations are important for our self-esteem and mental health (there’s only so much self-love we can give ourselves), there’s also a lot to be said about being able to hear hard truths and opposing views and take it in stride. And by stride, I mean actually HEAR it and digest it, even if you need to spit it up later.
It takes just a few minutes of split screening CNN and FOX News to see that there are many ways to see the world. (Warning: it may cause dizziness and extreme nausea.) But whether you agree, disagree, or are indifferent, we all grow as individuals and a community when we open ourselves up to other points of view.
Recently a friend of mine was telling me about some challenges she was having with her teenage kids and I asked her what her husband’s take on it was. She quickly remarked, “We agree on everything!” to which I replied, “That’s awful!” (This is a slight exaggeration but I’m making a point, so bear with me.)
It’s especially important within the “nest” to bring a different perspective. Having the gift of another set of eyes and opinions helps us see more, think more and do more. But as with my favourite comedians, it’s all about the delivery. While I’m fluent in the language of sarcasm, it does not play well here. This is about open and honest dialogue, whether backed by facts or simply a well-thought-out point of view (hold the quippy criticisms).
Here’s another take on it: I remember once at a therapy session I was really stuck on something (or someone, to be exact) and the therapist responded, “Have you ever thought of asking him?” And to be honest, I hadn’t. Because at that time, my world view had taught me that I should be cool, act like I don’t care, play my cards right, which was also what my friends were preaching (and playing). Yet such a simple statement changed my way of thinking — and not just about that particular dilemma. For many years since then, when faced with a conflict or challenge, I ask myself, “What other options have I not thought of yet?” or “Is there a side of this I’m not seeing (or don’t want to see)?”
As we coast towards the season finale of “America, The Sh*t Show,” I’ve been thinking about this a lot. My hope is that 2021 will bring us leaders and neighbours and friends who care enough to tell us the truth, help us see things in new and different ways, and teach us to honour and respect our differences. I think we can all agree on that.