The Pleasure Principle
Being in the news business (and frankly, just being in the world these days) makes it challenging to avoid the dark, depressing realities of life. (COVID and climate change alone could sink me.) On top of that, many of my go-to releases have also been taken away. (I miss you, restaurants and hot yoga.)
Throughout the pandemic, experts have spoken about the importance of self-care, but there are only so many facials and baths a person can take before the diminishing returns set in. That’s why this article from Fast Company really resonated with me. It outlines the difference between self-care and self-compassion and lays out why it’s equally, if not more important, to focus on behaviours that allow for compassion, essentially giving yourself a break. It’s explained like this:
“Self-compassion is an established form of mindfulness practice, based in [Eastern medicine] traditions, while remaining secular and evidence-based ... On the other hand, self-care practices, such as bingeing a TV show or drinking a hot cup of tea, may be comforting but won’t keep your spirits high forever and don’t address deeper mental struggles.”
Hallelujah! For months, and especially through January and February, I’ve felt like I’m on a hamster wheel, checking all the self-care boxes in an effort to feel better (exercise, baking, facialling, and so on) but then feeling worse because I don’t feel better. It’s only been in the last few weeks where I’ve literally cut myself some slack and been OK with not being OK. And guess what? When I did, I felt...OK!
Another antidote to my misery has been observing, and relishing, the simple things that spark joy. And by “joy” I don’t mean ear-to-ear elatedness. I simply mean things that turn the frown upside down and provide even a moderate mood boost.
What do those include? It’s been everything from rewatching Friends with my 11-year-old son, and laughing contagiously as a result of his hysterical outbreaks of giggles. Or feeling the sun beam off the snow while watching my dog frolic in a freshly covered field. Or committing successfully to 10 minutes of yoga a day (thank you, Peloton) instead of beating myself up for not doing a 60-minute class.
And then there are the more indulgent enjoyments. Some call these “guilty pleasures.” But I’m with Fran Lebowitz on this one. If you’ve watched Pretend It’s a City on Netflix (and if you haven’t, I recommend you do), you’ll appreciate how Fran opines about her disinterest in labelling pleasures this way. As she so eloquently puts it, “No, I don’t feel guilty for having pleasures.” Amen, Fran!
For me, these include (in no particular order, since I love them all equally): wine, tacos, tequila, sleeping in, chocolate, and Netflix. But instead of beating myself up for indulging, I’m considering it part of my feel-good prescription. But like any good drug, I’m taking them in moderation.
Since meds come with warnings, I’ll say that this is not a foolproof path to happiness. There are still many days when I’m scratching lines on the wall, counting down the days of this prison sentence and feeling bitter and beaten down. But then I infuse a drop of my feel-good formula into the day and live in the glow of that spark, whether it’s for a minute or one hour (or seven, depending on the Netflix show).