Finding Your Sweet Spot

This year I’ve honed my practice with the written word. Before that, I did a lot of speaking engagements (but COVID took care of that). This is one of my favourite speeches that compiles a number of my theories and thoughts on entrepreneurship, personal growth and life in general….

When I named my first company, Sweetspot, the jokes they were aplenty (minds out of the gutter, people). But not only did it define what we were doing (finding the latest and greatest lifestyle trends across Canada), but for me it was my leap into the entrepreneurial world and the first step to finding my “sweet spot.” 

What is the “sweet spot”? The way I define it is it’s the intersection where you understand and utilize your unique gift, so that you can do something you love AND get paid for it. By identifying your unique gift, I believe you can live a richer, more meaningful life and bring value to everything you do.

Isn’t that what we all want? We all want to do something we love and get paid for it. But how do you figure it out? Think about it. Just like finding romantic love, it takes experience, self-awareness and probably kissing a few toads before you find “the one.”

So how do we find it? Along my journey, I’ve discovered it comes down to three Cs: clarity, courage and confidence.

Let’s start with clarity. How do we get it and why is it important?

Clarity is important because it removes all the noise and fluff, and allows you to become laser-focused on your gift so that you waste less time and your energy is focused on the things that matter — to you.

But first you have to figure out what you’re really good at. Your unique gift.

Do you know what you’re good at? You’re probably good at many things. But being good at it and getting paid for it are not always easily aligned. Because the other thing to keep in mind is that what works today might not work for you next year or in five years (and especially not in 10 years).

 For me, I was lucky to solve this first part of the equation early in my life.

You know what I’m really good at? Math. Yes, it’s true, I’m a proud math geek. Sometimes referred to as a math nerd, or mathemegenius, though I prefer mathlete. From a young age, I had a natural aptitude toward numbers. As soon as the “grownups” in my life took note of this gift, they started encouraging me to leverage this skill. So I took a lot of math classes in high school, and majored in math in university. (Calculus was my specialty!)

From there, I went on to MBA where it was a natural conclusion that I would major in finance. And I did. And I excelled, top of the class, nearly perfect marks. So I didn’t spend too much time thinking about it, or worrying about my future. It was all laid out for me (at least based on what others were telling me). I could be an accountant! Or even an actuary! Or possibly a high-powered investment banker. Which could have easily happened, except then we get to the next part of the equation which is…what do I like to do?

And that’s where I learned a big lesson of life. To figure out what you like to do, sometimes you have to try a few things to learn what you don’t like to do (which takes us back to kissing a few toads). And I did. From math tutor, to retail sales, to house painter and teacher, I did it all. And that was all before I graduated from MBA. 

What I find so interesting is how many people shy away from trying different jobs. Probably out of fear. Sometimes it’s the golden handcuffs. But there seems to be such resistance. I’d bet there’s a lot of people who’ve tried more haircuts than careers. Think about that. For something that occupies so much of your life and can pretty much make or break your happiness, and yet…it doesn’t seem to happen as much as it should.

I think one common trap for people is getting stuck doing what they are good at and convincing themselves they like it. Sound familiar?

Which gets to my next theory about life: Life is long. I bet you thought I was going to say life is short? Right?

Typically that’s what people say, life is short, treat today like it’s the last day of your life and so on. And I do believe that when it comes to being present, living in the moment, making the most, not settling.

But the real statement should be “Life may be short, but it may be long,” so what are you going to do about it?

You’ve all heard the stats about increased life expectancy rates, and that they are continuing to go up. And retirement age is going up along with it.

So guess what? Living a long life not loving what you do, not doing what you’re good at and/or not getting paid for it is going to be far from sweet. Oh, and by the way, retiring early is probably not a good option. There have been many studies that show that people who retire early are more likely to die earlier. Seriously! A recent study showed that people who worked even just one year past 65 reduced their risk of mortality by 10%. That’s a pretty good reason to like what you do and keep doing it, don’t you think?

Or maybe you’re one of “those people.” You know those people who knew what they wanted to be since the first grade? Then became that and love it? I hate those people. Just kidding. But they are definitely the exception, not the norm.

I wish I could offer you the magic bullet to figure it out, however for most people it takes time, risks and a few mistakes along the way. I can say that’s what it took for me.

Because really, how do you know what you like until you try something? Or what you don’t like? Anyone who’s been divorced can understand how you can be so in love with something, and then…not.

That’s where I get to the second ingredient, the second C: Courage. Why do we need courage? Because you’re going to have to take some risks, maybe not know exactly where you’re going, or what you’re getting into. And for most people, that’s terrifying. Unfortunately for some, it’s paralyzing.

A number of years ago, I started using a term to explain this theory. While preparing this, I found out that someone else had coined the same term, but I’m still going with it! I call it the Lily Pad Theory.

This idea came to me in response to something I’ve often heard (and experienced) that really bothered me. That was the idea of needing to “climb the ladder” or “move up.” I think we, as a society, have been trained to believe that success only comes from moving in one direction: up. But, I not only don’t believe that’s true, I feel it’s that thinking that stops us from making decisions that are in our best interest. Because I feel that the way to finding your sweet spot involves hopping around. And that could be up, or down, or left, or right.

And think about it for a moment. Think about the stress and exertion involved in climbing vs. hopping. Climbing is hard and aggressive, and depending where you’re climbing, you can fall far and hard. But hopping, well hopping can be fun! And what’s the worst that will happen? You may land in a swamp. Better than falling off a cliff, don’tcha think?

 And there always seems to be an abundance of lily pads if you look around. With climbing, there aren’t quite as many rungs.

So why do we feel the need to climb? Ego, pressure, fear. But, if we can put our egos aside and worry less about the promotion, the title, the raise, what our friends will think, what our parents will say, we open up a world of opportunities to learn new things, experience new cultures and build an incredible network of friends and mentors.

And I said this before, we all change over time — so you have to keep experiencing things and see what works for you in the now. That gets me to some more stats. (I told you I love numbers.) Did you know that the average tenure of a salaried employee is 4.2 years? I personally have never done the same job for more than three years. The days of the 20-year career are over, and that’s a good thing.

For those of you who think hopping around is too risky, let me tell you that even if you think you’re safe in one place, there are no guarantee. You should always at least have some other lily pads in your sight.

I think it’s safe to say that as we live longer, you’re going to have many jobs, and I’ll suggest, maybe many careers. Just look what’s happening in newsrooms, finance, coal-mining. (Despite what the orange guy says, the coal jobs are NOT coming back.) The careers of yesterday won’t be the careers of tomorrow, so make it happen for you before it happens to you.

It definitely takes courage. But one thing to keep in mind: not every lily pad needs to be paid, or work-related. But the more you do, the more you learn. And the more you learn, the more you know about you.

And hopefully it feels less like Frogger and more like Connect the Dots. Seriously. Frogger is about escaping danger. It’s very reactive and stressful. Whereas Connect the Dots is mysterious, but fun! As you keep going, things start to take shape. The picture becomes clearer. And even if you make a mistake, it just adds character.

But even Connect the Dots starts with the unknown. And to go into the unknown takes courage. But it gets less scary the more you do it. I think of it like a muscle — the more we use it, the stronger we get and the easier it gets to do it.

And remember, the lily pad isn’t just learning about the skill or making connections (though those are both important), it’s learning about you. And sometimes those are things we don’t want to face, but we are better off if we do.

Which brings me to the third C: Confidence. Seems pretty obvious, right? Or maybe you think courage and confidence are the same. But here’s how I see the difference: Courage gives you the strength to jump, but confidence gives you the ability to stand your ground and let everyone know where you’ve landed, or who you are. It’s like the difference between dating the person your parents doesn’t think is right for you (maybe because of their race, religion or gender) and telling your parents you’re dating them.

Speaking of confidence, you need it to announce who you are to the world, and you also need to have the self-awareness to know who you aren’t. I think a lot of people get stuck here, especially when we are younger and less experienced. It’s one thing to get good at telling people what you’re good at (and I think even harder for women, but that’s a whole other story). But it’s really hard to tell people (especially ones you are working for or trying to work for) about what you’re not good at. But let me tell you, it’s so liberating.

It’s like physics. Once you put your energy towards what you’re good at and let things move in that direction, you avoid the wasted energy of going against an opposing force. Just ask the person who was told by their boss to put together a budget spreadsheet when they hate numbers. Or to get up and do a speech when they are an introvert and don’t like the limelight. Square peg, round hole. It never really works.

If you think about it, some of the most infuriating people in our lives are the ones who won’t own it. (Ugh, I hate those people, too.) The person who’s missing deadlines, making errors, overpromising and underdelivering, they are usually trying to cover up for their shortcomings. But we’ve been trained to think we need to get better at what we’re not good at. Remember in grade school how report cards would list our areas for improvement? Or even on modern day performance reviews? I’m not saying that people shouldn’t always be trying to better themselves and gain new skills, but if I told you to become a better singer or a better artist, would that be a good use of your time? Or would it be better spent becoming the best version of who you actually are and what you love to do?

Confidence is a self-fulfilling prophecy — the more we have it, the more we say and do what we want. And the more we do that, the better we get at it and then we get…more confident. Isn’t that awesome?

So back to me for a moment. (See, that’s my confidence talking.)

For me, my gift is simplification. No, not calculus. It takes that math skill and makes it useful in the real world (because I have yet to find someone in emergency need of solving a calculus equation). I take complex thoughts and ideas and make them simpler for others. And that’s how I add value to my work, my friends and my family.

Both Sweetspot and The Bullet have been about filtering and simplifying information

And what am I not good at? Running large organizations (or being a part of them). When things get too big, I like to get out. I like to keep it simple.

One of my idols is Albert Einstein. He had many words of wisdom but the one that hangs on my wall is, “If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough.” And that’s a rule I live by.

So I hope I’ve explained this simply enough. I hope you will think about the three Cs (clarity, courage and confidence) and ask yourself if you have them? If not, which one is missing? And what are you going to do to get there? Are you connecting the dots or just dodging traffic?

 What I’ve found is that finding your sweet spot is well, sweet. And it may lead to the following side effects:

• more energy

• increased happiness

• more gratitude

• feeling physically and mentally balanced

• more relaxed (this is starting to sound like the other sweet spot)

Oh, and by the way, notice that I’ve never mentioned making more money. While that may be a nice byproduct, I don’t think it is a critical ingredient to fulfillment or happiness.

Like I said, life may be short, but it may be long, so if you haven’t found your sweet spot yet, I encourage you to start looking now.

Isn’t it worth taking the leap?