Putting Out

I’ve thought about writing this for a long time, but frankly, I didn’t have the courage. And to be honest, I thought it was bravery I was grappling with until I discovered the difference. (Thank you, Google!) Here’s what I discovered:

“Bravery is the ability to confront something painful or difficult or dangerous without any fear. Courage, on the other hand, is the ability to confront something painful or difficult or dangerous despite any fear.” 

I think of all the things I would do, or would have done, had fear not been part of the equation. Skydiving. Climbing a mountain. (Clearly, my fear of heights is getting in the way.) Telling certain people I love them. Telling others I don’t. Trying stand-up comedy. (Yep, I’ve dreamt of that.) Those are just a few.

One fear I’ve overcome this year is sharing my thoughts with you. For most of my life, the thought of writing caused me great anxiety. I majored in math for a number of reasons, but a key one was that I was able to avoid writing essays. I much preferred the black and white of math. How could someone possibly judge my thoughts? 

After many failed attempts to write consistently, something clicked earlier this year. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the timing lined up with the start of the pandemic. With bigger things to worry about (my health, the health of those around me, financial destruction, etc., etc.), I started to worry less about what others thought and started doing it for myself. I wrote about that here.

Now it feels like exercise. I wouldn’t say I exactly look forward to it, but this outpouring is cathartic and the rewards are intrinsic. That said, I’ve been very encouraged by the overwhelming amount of positive feedback I’ve received. Not only from my inner circle, but from other writers I admire, and random people I don’t know. (I hope that wasn’t my dad using a fake email.) Every time someone tells me they truly enjoy it, I am truly flushed with joy.

A few people have actually used the word “brave” when sharing their admiration and have said they really feel I’ve put myself out there. But frankly, I feel I’ve only scratched the surface. As I dive into the world of writing, I have an even greater appreciation for authors who really let their guards down and share their most personal stories. It’s through that vulnerability that we all benefit. We live vicariously through their experiences and learn about love and loss and fear without having to live it ourselves. 

I believe I’m only on the start of this journey. While I’ve opened up about some of the highs and lows of life as an entrepreneur, I have yet to open the door to the heart and soul of who I am. The dysfunctional family, the heartbreaks, the yearnings, and the missteps. None of which I would trade, because all of it is what makes me who I am today. 

So I tip my hat and raise a glass to all those who’ve shed their protective layers in order to shed a light on the trials of their lives and allowed us to reap the benefits. I hope that in the year ahead I find the courage to go deeper. At this point, it seems a lot easier than jumping out of an airplane.

P.S. I’ve been inspired by so many courageous storytellers, but here are a few pieces that I’ve read lately that I wanted to share:

Anthony Rose (restaurateur): The Monthly Anthony

Kerry Fleiser (marketing consultant): Rise Up

C Pam Zhang (author, as seen in New York Times): Junk Food Was Our Love Language