One Singular Sensation
Since we’re in the season of goal-setting, I can’t help but consider how I’ll spend my time post-lockdown. (It will likely include overspending at restaurants, double features at the movie theatre, sweaty yoga classes and other fun stuff.) And for many of those activities, I’ll be considering with whom I’d like to do them.
As a single mom and entrepreneur, at times I feel like it’s a double dose of goin’ it on my own. I see many parallels between single life and entrepreneurship. In both cases, we develop a network of like-minded (or like-living) people to whom we can relate and rant. Both roles hold decision-making power and are also in charge of most of the doing. (No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to get my dog to empty the dishwasher.) And while both scenarios can be lonely at times, they both offer a sense of solitude that’s often lacking in coupledom and bureaucracy.
Yet, one area where I find a vast difference is how others perceive entrepreneurship. It’s often revered, while single life is pitied and judged. While Bridget Jones may have put a funny face on the sad single gal, that is merely fiction. In reality, single life has just as many rewards and challenges as being part of a couple. I challenge any of the married folks out there to say life is always rosy, and that they don’t — at times — fantasize about getting a break from it. (No judgment here.)
In these days of COVID, folks of all relationship statuses are realizing the dichotomy of feeling alone and trapped together. Lately, I vacillate between relishing and resenting my alone time in dizzying waves. And I have no doubt that when the light shines at the end of this pandemic tunnel, many will have a new perspective on how they want to live (and with whom).
These same feelings apply when it comes to forging your own path professionally as an entrepreneur versus signing up to work on someone else’s terms. When people rant and bemoan bureaucracy and corporate culture (confession: I’m often one of those critics), I remind them (and myself) that it takes both types to make the world go round. Each has its pros and cons, and some of us are better built for one than the other.
So, why then when it comes to relationships are we taught that the ultimate status is the one with a plus one? I’m calling bullshit. And that is not the voice of a scorned spinster. That is the point of view from someone who’s lived on both sides of the fence. As the iconic Joni Mitchell aptly croons:
“I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all”
I have many friends who grew up as only children and I empathize with their frustration when people ask them questions like, “Wasn’t that weird? Or lonely?” “Do you wish you had siblings?” Unlike relationships and professions, being an only child is, for the most part, a static state of which the person has no choice. But where they intersect is the assumption that growing up without a sibling can’t possibly be as good as growing up with one. First of all, how would that person know the difference? And from what I’ve seen, kids who grew up as the one and only enjoyed quite a few perks. (Tell me how tough it was to always have access to your parents’ car or always get to pick the movie or family vacation destination.)
So as we set foot into this new year, I challenge myself, and you, to think about what you want, and what makes you happy. Not what your guilt-tripping parents tell you, or your friends, or the bad ex-boyfriend that wants you back. There’s no right answer, and you’re also allowed to change your mind. (And if you choose to be single, you can also choose which side of the bed to sleep on. Or choose to sleep on both!)